To Be or Not To Be Diabetic

To whomever brought the flu to Winter Jam, may I say, Thanks a lot. Thankfully, work was cancelled yesterday and today due to weather so I could lay around the house and feel miserable guilt-free.

I did get some thinking done on this sick day home. None of it was at all interesting, more little snippets of thoughts on romance, Valentine’s Day, how much I see myself in Veronica Mars and why the cat is so determined to sit on me when I’m running a fever. Some of that is worth pursuing at a more reasonable temperature. The main thought that I kept spiraling around to was how terrible diabetic I felt.

There have been a couple of moments when I realized I am ‘Diabetic’. A group of people were heading out to Washington shortly after the tornado ripped a hole through our community to do whatever they could to help out. I wanted to go with them, I really did, but the conditions were so bad and the travel was so difficult that I knew I wouldn’t be able to take care of myself if I started to get low. So I stayed home and felt incredibly diabetic. It was one of the first moments I hung that idea around my neck as a constant.

Having the stomach flu and all the decisions that come with it have made me feel doubly diabetic. Sipping on ginger ale made my stomach calm but sent me shaking with high blood sugar. I needed to take my medicine but would my stomach tolerate it? I need protein to keep at a good sugar level but the only thing I could hope to keep down was some toast. There were only bad and worse options.

As I lay on the couch, finishing up Season 3 of Veronica Mars and contemplating whether moving to the other side of the couch might possibly be more interesting, the word ‘diabetic’ floated around my head. I am coming to understand something that was but a shadow on that day in July when I came home with a diagnosis. Diabetes is not simply something I was diagnosed with; it is something that I am.

This is the difference between living somewhere and calling it home. It’s the difference between reading a comic book now and again and embracing the word ‘geek’ as a badge of honor. People have many things that they do, but a shorter list of ideas that they *are*. More and more I am realizing that I don’t simple do diabetes as a dietary lifestyle, but that I *am* diabetic.

There is a level of comfort in this idea. I have been many things in my life and while transition to being something else can be difficult there are always blessings to be had and kindnesses to share. Being diabetic can be a boat anchor I struggle with or it could be just another one of my distinctives. I am a wife, a youngest child, an author, a nerd, a diabetic and so on. Already my experience with changing my diet has made my home a place that at least one gluten-free friend can eat without fear and I’m certain that is only one good thing that God will bring about. I wouldn’t have chosen diabetes to have been wrapped up under the tree for me, but it’s all about being creative with what He’s given.