Whiplash

I struggle with whiplash. Sometimes it doesn’t even matter if the sudden move is from something bad to something good- the bad was known and we should’ve just left it be.

I hate this about myself.

This facet of me leaves me reeling in the good times, has me taking weeks of good things to relax enough into the new known to enjoy any part of it and just generally makes me feel like a major downer in the best and worst of times. I’ve worked at Samaritan, a job that promises to be a huge stress relief for me, for all of one week. Looking back on my week do I see the conversations with new coworkers as people sought me out to say welcome? The time set aside this morning for prayer? The void where the weight of responsibility and busyness used to live? Riding to work with my man instead of saying ‘goodbye’ to the back of his sleeping head?

Of course not.

I think of the mistakes I made as I learn a new system, how last week I knew the systems I worked with like the back of my hand. I think of how I suddenly went from being the conservative Christian in the room to feeling like a, *gasp*, liberal. I think about being new and the constant feeling of having missed a step.

It won’t always be this way. I know this. The plan is working. Already I can feel the stress evaporating off my skin and my eye hasn’t twitched in a day or more. I know I work with quality people and I look forward to getting more comfortable with everything so I can support the work as a quality person. It will come and won’t take very long to get here. I know this.

There will just be a few weeks of whiplash to sit through.